Precarious

First and foremost, there were so many subjects that I thought helpful, entertaining blogs for you guys, but alas, I haven’t posted in a month. But today, I need to talk things over with a friend.  You see, this week has been a precarious one.  I feel alone and tired.  Once again, I find myself thrust into showing up a bad bitch or a cowering, scared dog. Have I been here before? Sorta-ish; because it’s a yes and no answer. Yes, I’ve conquered the impossible and hailed triumphantly.  No, because this situation has more on the line than the others did. However, I’m not as doubtful, and fear does not consume me. What I am is frustrated and eager to figure out my path. Perhaps a bit overwhelmed too. These next few weeks are very crucial.

Now that I have an expiration date on figuring out my next steps, I have to be aware of everything. Time is up, and it’s do-or-die.  Every day is a conscious effort to make a winning choice.  Last night I went to bed knowing I would be re-mothering my inner child.  She’s healed and enhanced my creativity so much, but at this moment, she’s scared shitless.

The old me would have shut this down, but the new me cannot cage a bird eager to fly. That’s what birds do, after all.  It all comes down to supporting growth and happiness instead of nursing fear.  Jessi (my daughter) and I have been on this journey and are ready to fly.  Her opportunity has come—quite suddenly.  We both knew this day would come, but friend, I  don’t know what mine is yet, and I have less than a month to figure it out.  No pressure, right?  Once again faced with trusting my wit and working solely on intuition.

Worn and tattered from the battles past, my reserves are low.  The daily struggle is merely showing up, pushing along on pure fumes.  The finish line is before me, so my focus must not succumb to distracting, scary thoughts.   I’m so grateful for Jessi’s opportunity; I’m thankful for my mindset and blessed to have the ability to make a better choice every day.  If I discover I had one more tomato when I thought I was out, I’m grateful for that too. Gratitude is how I live. It’s what gets this weary soul through each hour of the day.  Things are happening so fast, but I have remained balanced with spurts of elation and bouts of tears, but creativity and higher vibes endure.  Patience is much higher, I’m happy to report.  Again, a daily decision.  This is challenging, and despite the gravity of it all, not as scary. I praise my mental and material accomplishments every day. We should always track our progress.  Change is a beautiful thing, but it’s not always easy. The uncomplicated, familiar, and comfortable are dominant to the body.  Anything interrupting that flow is seen as the enemy until it becomes the new norm.

Like the other challenges, this to shall pass, and I’ll be on the other side, quite amazed at how it all came together. Just like I was when we got this home.  Just like it always is when the how is finally revealed in all of its mysterious glory. Damn, I would have never seen this coming; I cannot wait to utter those words. But until then, I have work to do and vibrations to keep up. Let me know what’s going on with you this New Year. I’m always open to a conversation; you never know who you will help or who will help you. It’s hard to believe we live in a time where we are so connected but feel so lonely.  Being isolated is taking its toll on all of us. I’m here if you want to talk and words of encouragement are always welcomed. We all can use a cheerleader in our corner.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s