As I sit here contemplating my new blessings, I realize that I have the propensity to worry my way straight through them. Do you know what I mean? It’s like receiving a treasured gift, but instead of enjoying it, you put it away to use or wear it on some more deserving date in the future. Or perhaps we fear loss or theft of the gift. My gift is my new place. So why was my first inclination to allow worry instead of enjoying what I have?
For a year and I half, I’ve desired, prayed for, and visualized getting a place that I didn’t have to share with roommates. I know what that kind of freedom feels like, and I wanted it back like crazy. Not only did I want a place, but I also wanted it to be beautiful and clean and preferably three bedrooms so that my daughter and I could have an office/studio/workout room. Having a nature-filled backyard was very important too. I didn’t want to see other homes or some busy streets. No carpet would be the icing on the cake. Well, friends, I have you know that at this moment, I lounge in a chair on my small back porch listening to the sounds of nature as I gaze out into the woods steps away from me. This home has three bedrooms, and it’s adorable. And you know what? No freggin’ carpet! My daughter and I also wanted a secure and financially comfortable move this time. We got that too. The neighborhood is convenient and ducked off. What’s not to enjoy?
This morning started with me analyzing all the things that could go wrong. Thoughts like; OMG, what if I don’t make money to pay for this place? What happens if THIS unfolds, or what will I do if THAT transpires? All the what if’s where banging around in my head until I remembered I need to chill out and enjoy my life—especially today, as it is the first day in my new home. I could do any damn thing I want. No one will be walking in the door; the AC is where I want it, I have food in the fridge and money in the bank. These are things to celebrate, be grateful for and enjoy. So I grab a cup of tea and head outback. When my monkey mind with all its silly fears & anxieties flare-up, I pivot as soon as I’m aware of what my emotions are up too, realizing they are just old thought patterns.
I am not my thoughts; I am not my emotions.
Repeating that phrase all morning until I calmed myself down, I did manage to enjoy my first day in my new home. The responsibility and focus it will take to step into maintaining my new lifestyle isn’t lost on me. I’ve envisioned my success in doing so for months. Most days, I have complete faith and trust in the Universe and myself to continue co-creating this beautiful life. But my old nature rises from time to time, and I cannot miss a beat keeping myself from succumbing to those old beliefs of unworthiness and thoughts of self-doubt. I know fear, anxiety, and overwhelm will creep up at times, but I am NOT those things. So I observe them and let them pass as I fuel myself with what makes me healthy, happy, and at peace. It’s like being out on the water; it gets rough sometimes, but you know you must stay above it. Staying above it means not ruminating what’s weighing you down. Concentrate on living the life you want, feel the emotions of that life best you can, and take action on doing what you can today to start your new life. Because your new life doesn’t begin tomorrow, it starts right now.
So onward and upward we go eh? Today I focus on my next goals; visualizing, asking guidance regarding my path to it, and doing what I can now to feed that dream. Then I will be at peace and relax, trusting the ideas and opportunities will come again just like they did for my current blessings. I will continue to do the things it takes to keep my mind out of the dark places. Everything that I do now is to feed my happiness and my future. The process has gotten me here, and I love who I am today. So what’s on your mind right now? What are your worries? What’s weighing you down?
I remind myself daily that I have the power to create the life of my dreams despite my current situation or circumstance. Like diet and exercise, no visible results will be noticeable right away, but you keep the faith that they will arrive. You will feel better after you allow yourself to lean into the discomfort of change. You get used to that too. Change equals growth. Just work the muscle, and one day you will realize that you are living your best life today.